Radiohead, In Rainbows
Yeah, so, that "Hockey party" I went too? It was definitely a roller hockey party. What is roller hockey, you ask? Good question. Here is what it is, in a nutshell: A bunch of idiots wearing knee pads, stumbling around in roller blades. Lame. Now, as silly as this sport seems to me, it may not seem so silly to you. But, this party we went to was undeniably ridiculous.
So me and my three friends arrive at this party with one of my friend's male roommates. Let's call my three friends, "Alyssa" (the one with the clever slag, from San Diego), "Jessie" (my blonde roommate from Santa Barbara), and "Sophie" (a childhood friend of mine who I lost touch with until we ran into each other freshman year at college and became instant friends again like not a day had passed, from the Bay Area). So we came to this party with "Chad", Alyssa's roommate. Chad is this tall, blonde, model-faced boy who's shockingly quiet but when talking to him, he makes you feel like the most important person in the room. Anyway, we only recently got to know this guy because Alyssa has just moved in with him and another guy. Now, this other roommate, is a member of the roller hockey team at UCC. So, we all decided to venture to this "initiation" party the team was throwing.
Cue the awkwardness.
We arrive, and the four girls stand around the basement, where this party is taking place, at the foot of the stairs, because it's the only place we can all fit, and it is nearest the keg. Chad socializes with his roommate and all of the teammates while we stand in a circle, sipping our beer and trying to act fascinated with each others outfit's, shouting conversation. After each of us quickly finish our cups of beer, we all re-fill and find vacancy on this corner couch which we promptly occupy, only to take note of the fact that we are suddenly the only females in the room. The skanky (and un-flatteringly dressed) girls have gone with other guys to get another keg, and the four of us sit on the couch, right next to the speakers. Promptly, one Asian guy wearing glasses sits down next to Alyssa and begins to chat with her about the song playing (which was "No Diggity", by the way. How much is there to say, really, about this song?) Not to be downright bitchy about it, but Alyssa is a bit out of this poor kid's league. Let me paint a mental picture for you: Alysssa, a former model, sitting on a couch with her three friends, and a slightly overweight roller-hockey teammate who is clearly too drunk to complete sentences, let alone sustain an erection, trying to make conversation about a late-90's hip hop song at a party in a basement in the middle of the boonies of California. Now, as this is happening, I turn to the friend directly to my right on the couch (I was in the middle, now), and see that a relatively decent-looking guy has sat himself next to Sophie. He is staring directly ahead and makes zero eye contact with Sophie. This boy had plenty of places to sit. Or stand. But he chose this place. And says nothing. So Sophie, with a buzz, and also just being the generally friendly person that she is, attempts to strike up a conversation which completely fails due to the fact that he will only look directly in front of himself. It looked like she was a wife talking to her husband while he was trying to watch the game. This was how the night began.
After about an hour of this, with various guys in the room trying their hand at chatting with the bored girls on the couch (we must have looked like such elusive bitches. Ew.), I spot one guy across the room in a light blue plaid shirt. I lean over to Alyssa (she is now at my left due to extremely frequent trips to the keg resulting in a musical-chairs situation), and say "OK, finally, a cute guy at this party!" Now, Alyssa and I have VERY different taste. We both enjoy clean-cut, but she tends to value height and hair color, while I go for the eyes and smile. It's like the difference between being a boobs man or an ass man. Trust me. Anyway, so she actually agrees with me. This guy is pretty tall, with shortly cropped blond hair, piercing green eyes and has that whole "I'm down-to-earth" look going for him. He looked super confident, but also very shy. So, (and just mind you, I have never had this happen to me before) we make eye-contact from across the room, and BAM. I think he may have seen me gesture towards him and whisper to Alyssa, but lets just ignore that for the sake of a better story. So he actually strolls over to the couch, and Alyssa "discreetly" scoots over, and he sits down and introduces himself. And the conversation that ensued was terrible. Terrible in that it was dull. I tried, I really did. After many awkward silences I decided I was, for once, going to settle for a pretty face instead of intelligent conversation for the night, and attempt to make something happen with this guy. Now, what happens next is extremely fuzzy, so I am going to describe the action as I remember it: in bits and pieces.
I make brief conversation about the party.
He tells me he is in AGR (the agricultural frat on campus. yuck.)
Look past this. He is hot.
He sees an opening for a joke.
Laugh laugh, touch the knee.
In doing so, spill some beer.
Oops, lots of beer spilled.
Get up to get clean.
Bathroom? Possibly.
Return.
Damn.
New guy in green-eye guy's spot.
New guy: "Hey there girlie! Took your spot. Don't shoot me!!"
Shoot me now.
Green-eye boy gazes at me with sexy eyes and shrugs helplessly.
They are buddies.
Great.
Stuck on edge of couch with Mr. Douchebag.
Douchebag wants to compare "once I was so drunk..." stories.
Fuck that shit.
Get up to grab beer bong sitting on table and grab Jessie.
Two of us. Beer bong.
Green-eyed guy helps hold my bong tube??? Possibly.
Sit back down.
Mr. Douchebag slides in next to me.
Male friend arrives at party, let him be called "Charlie".
Charlie sits on my other side.
Savior.
Long long convo with Charlie about God-knows-what.
Corner of my eye, see Jessie stand up off of couch and walk onto dance floor.
Sophie gets off couch, goes upstairs.
Alyssa joins Jessie on dance floor.
Alone on couch with Charlie, Mr. Douchbag, and green-eyed guy.
I get awkward.
Stand up.
Join Jessie and Alyssa.
What happened?
This is what I do remember clearly: Jessie's story. Mr. Douchebag had challenged Jessie's hardcore-ness with beer chugging. Sophie chimes in with how her little brother is a hard core beer chugger. Mr. Douchebag tells Sophie that her little brother should join AGR. Jessie: "EW. HAHA. EW. NO WAY. FUCK THAT FRAT. EW! THEY ARE SO LAME HAHA." Jessie thought it was a joke. Mr. Douchebag promptly gets extremely offended and turns into Mr. Drunken-rage-douchebag. Awkwardness ensues. Everyone disperses.
R.I.P opportunity with green-eyed guy.
Later on in the party we eye each other while he is standing next to Mr. Douchebag and he half-smiles and shrugs again. Nice.
Jessie was terribly sorry about my missed opportunity but replies with: "You would never want to hook up with an AGR anyway."
The End.
Epilogue: Chad, the roommate, is molested later on by this freakishly tall lacrosse-playing girl who's line was "I can body-check girls onto the field." She shoved him up against the kitchen counter and proceeded to make out with him. The four of us stood in the front doorway and pointed and giggled like middle schoolers at them. She looked up and saw us, so out of shame we closed the front door. Later on, as we are walking home, Chad calls us, finds out where we are, runs to catch up, and then goes into a 15 minute long monologue about how he was molested that night in the kitchen by the giant.
Peace out lovers.
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